Imaam al-Bukhaaree, may Allaah bestow mercy on him, stated (9/132): It has been relayed to us by Musaddid that Yahyaa relayed to us, on ‘Ubaydallaah that he said: Sa’eed bin Abee Sa’eed relayed to me, on his father, on the authority of Aboo Hurayrah, [radiyallahu anhu — may Allah (God) be pleased with him (said after the mentioning of a male companion of Prophet Muhammad)], on the Prophet, [sallallahu alayhi wa sallam], that he said:
“A woman is married for four (reasons): For her wealth, for her lineage, and for her beauty, so choose the one who possesses the Deen (religion) and you will be successful.” [And related by Muslim (2/1086)]
The meaning of the Hadeeth: The people choose wives for various reasons, and they are of four types:
1 – From them are those who strive for the rich and wealthy.
2 – From them are those who strive for good lineage and it is nobility.
3 – From them are those who strive for beauty.
4 – And from them are those who strive for the religious (woman).
Choosing a wife for wealth is not appropriate if she does not adorn herself with Taqwaa (fear of Allaah). In this case, she will desire to have unrestricted freedom and for her husband to be subservient to her puffing herself up over him. This is understood from her actions even if she does not say it.
Likewise is the one who has nobility if her spouse does not have her level of nobility.She will be haughty towards him if she does not adorn herself with Taqwaa (fear of Allaah).
Likewise is the one who has beauty. She will be haughty towards her spouse if she is not adorned with Taqwaa (fear of Allaah), and the one who the Prophet, (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) encouraged to marry is the one possessing the religion.
This does not mean that the man turns away from a woman possessing wealth, beauty, or nobility. This means that he should not make that his focus and he should choose the one possessing the religion. As for merging that with the Deen (religion), then this is good. The woman possessing the religion has Taqwaa (fear of Allaah). She is heedful of what Allaah has obligated upon her, and she abstains from His prohibitions. As He, The Exalted, has stated,
“Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allaah and to theirhusbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard.” [Sooratun-Nisaa (4): 34]
She keeps herself chaste, guards her husband’s wealth, she does not exit (the home) without his permission, and she is fully aware of her rights, so she does not exceed them. Being fully aware, even if she possesses the religion, it is inevitable that she will not be perfect and complete. She is deficient in her intellect and Deen (religion). This is not related to correcting her since this is not appropriate to be overlooked.
Likewise for the woman:
It is upon us to choose a righteous husband. How many women were righteous, but they did not choose a righteous mate and married a failure who pulled her to his ideology and his way? It is also possible that the man is affected by the ideology of his wife as occurred with ‘Imraan ibn Hattaan. He married his cousin to pull her away from the ideology of the Khawaarij and she pulled him to her ideology. So this is more likely to occur to the woman since she is quick and abrupt in changing to another state.
So we ask Allaah for stability and persistence. A companion will have an effect on his companion. Due to this, there is an encouragement of choosing a righteous companion.
In the Saheehayn (i.e. Bukhaaree and Muslim) from the Hadeeth of Aboo Moosaa, (radiyallaahu ‘anhu) that he said: , (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said,
“The example of the righteous companion and the evil companion is like the person that sells musk and the blacksmith. The person that sells musk will either give you some or you may buy some from im. The blacksmith will either burn your clothes or you will find a repugnant odor from him”.
In addition, the Prophet, (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) has said,
“A man is on the Deen (religion) of his friend, so beware as to whom you take as a friend.”
And the poet said,“Do not ask about the person but ask about his companionship, For every person exemplifies his companion.”
Moreover, Allaah has stated about the people of Paradise:
“Then they will turn to one another, mutually questioning. A speaker of them will say, ‘Verily, I had a companion (in the world), who used to say, ‘Are you among those who believe. That when we die and become dust and bones, shall we indeed (be raised up) to receive reward or punishment (according to our deeds)?” (The speaker) said, “Will you look down?” So he looked down and saw him in the midst of the Fire.”
[Sooratus-Saaffaat (37): 50 – 55]
And He, The Exalted, said:
“And We have assigned for them (devils) intimate companions (in thisworld), who have made fair-seeming to them, what was before them andwhat was behind them. And the word (i.e. the torment) is justified againstthem as it was justified against those who were among the previous generations of jinn and men that had passed away before them. Indeedthey (all) were losers.” [Sooratul-Fussilat (41): 25]
The woman possessing the religion strives for a husband possessing the religion and visa versa as the Prophet, (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) has said,
“The souls are recruited soldiers, so whoever amongst them bonded and became mutually acquainted then they were in agreement, and whoever amongst them rejected and disavowed each other then they differed.”
And in the parable,“And everyone strives for someone similar to him.”
And in another parable,“The birds gather with those similar to them, so everyone strives for someone similar to him.”
Another hadeeth encouraging marrying a righteous wife:Imaam Muslim has stated (2/1090): Muhammad bin ‘Abdullaah bin Numair al-Hamdaanee relayed to me, that ‘Abdullah bin Yazeed relayed to us, that Haywah relayed to us that Sharhabeel bin Shareek informed me that he heard Aboo ‘Abdur Rahmaan al-Hablee relaying on the Messenger of Allaah, (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) that he said,
“The Dunyaa (the life of this world) is a commodity and the best of its commodities is a righteous wife”.
By: Umm ‘Abdillaah al-Waadi’yyah